on straight porn

I can never resist the urge to vomit all over stupid pop psychology articles that promise to uncover The Eternal Truthtm about the differences ‘between the sexes’1; that simply recycle the same old tired bilge about why women just aren’t as visually aroused by male bodies as vice versa, why women will never want to have sex as much as men do, why women are just so alien. I read them and get angry, because they have nothing to do with me or any of the women I know.

I’m as visual as any horny pubescent boy. I always get jelly legs at the sight of a well-built man running shirtless – the shimmery layer of sweat that lends his skin a copper glow; delicately-rippling muscles on a lean, tight torso; the sound of his labored breathing as he sprints past.

So as you might guess, I’m a fan of porn. I get off harder and faster with porn than without; and if I close my eyes and listen to the film’s audio through headphones, I’ll cum from the mere sounds of fucking – moans, dirty talk, begging, the sound of bodies violently merging.

..but for the very same reasons, straight porn usually puts me off, because I’m just as easily visually repulsed as I am aroused. Of course, I’m sure there must be het porn that isn’t a massive fail on all these counts; but that sort of porn is far from common – the annoyances I list here are the norm, which is why I felt them worth mentioning.

Much of my irritation with straight porn can be collapsed into a single problem – namely, that most of it is apparently aimed toward the sort of straight man who’s afraid of having a boner while looking at a man who’s better-looking than he is. Hence, there’s very little focus on the beauty of male bodies, which gives rise to several annoying trends.

1. The male actors in porn are almost always nowhere near as attractive as their female counterparts; and it’s not at all uncommon to see a gorgeous 19-year-old girl being fucked by a gross, hairy dude who looks like someone’s creepy uncle that’s apparently never seen the inside of a gym. Granted, everyone has different beauty standards, none of which are objective. But I’m still irked by the fact that these standards are applied stringently to women and rarely (if at all) to men. Basically, a man just needs to have an enormous cock that can ejaculate on cue. And that’s it.
2. MMF threesome scenes in which the dudes try way too hard to avoid touching each other – leaning back like acrobats, straining their limbs, focusing all their attention on cramming their cocks into the bored-looking girl sandwiched in between them. This is a big pet peeve of mine; because when I fantasize about MMF threesomes (and I often do), there’s usually more action going on between the two men than between me and either of them.
3. ‘Girl-on-girl’ scenes are standard fare, but any sort of physical contact between men is verboten. When I’ve complained about this to other people, I’ve heard arguments like this one.: ‘Well, it is straight porn, right? If there were any boy-on-boy action, it’d become gay porn, right?’

But that’s wrong, and baldly homophobic, at that. Countless straight porn films have ‘girl-on-girl’ scenes thrown into the heterosexual action. I’ve spoken to a couple of straight women who enjoy straight porn but aren’t into the ‘lesbian’2 scenes; so they tend to fast forward through them or ignore them. Plenty of straight men already skip through scenes of action they’re not into – bukkake, double penetration, felching, whatever; and the fact that they’re apparently unable to sit through, say, a MMF threesome in which the men come within a 2 ft. radius of each other disturbs me.

And see, I’m fine with gay porn; but I’m still pissed off about the fact that the only readily available images of beautiful men being sexual aren’t even produced for women, as though we just never get horny or something. Pissed. Off3.

So much so, that I almost feel like making my own goddamn porn, which says a lot about the situation.

1. That phrase is common but deeply problematic, which is why I used quotes. Deeply problematic in its assumption that there are only two available categories for all of Earth’s 6 billion inhabitants to fit into; that men and women are polar ‘opposities’; that ‘men’ and ‘women’ are static, mutually exclusive ideas in the first place.

2. Purposeful use of quotes. Everything negative that could be said about yawn-inducing scenes in which giggly (straight) porn actresses stroke each other’s unexcited pink parts with their acrylic talons has already been said; so I won’t rehash it.

3. As much as I love it, there are also certain aesthetic conventions in gay boy porn that irk me, too; but I guess that’s another rant I’ll save for later.

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~ by fistfulofsunshine on September 30, 2009.

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