three cheers for aural sex!

..or not.

You see, normally, I’m a very aural person. I can get off on the mere sound of porn audio without even touching myself or looking at the images on the screen; and I often become jelly-legged at noises in my daily life (the sound of a boy unbuckling his pants, for example. Oh, god.) that most people overlook. So, as you might guess, I’m a dirty talk aficionado; and although I like to incorporate dirty talk into all of my sexual encounters, setting aside special, hours-long phone sex sessions is a particular favorite.

Recently, I was chit-chatting with a male friend of mine who’d frequently expressed some (sorta-but-not-quite-mutual) attraction towards me, and the talk quickly turned from his painfully busy grad school existence to the ways his schedule limited his sex life to a breathy commentary on just how hard his cock was at that very second.

..and at the moment, I happened to have that rare, magical combination of free time, privacy, and a raging libido; so, I went with the flow, assuming he’d respond in kind.

me: So, what do you want to do to me right now? Are you all nice & hard for me?1

him: mmm, yeah. Talk to me.

me: You want to fuck me slow and deep; you want to jam that big hard dick in my cunt and pump my tight hole good, don’t you?

him, ad infinitum: mmm, yeah.

After awhile, I start to feel cheated. I want to reach through the phone, grab the boy by the balls and say, “Look, you selfish, sexually-unimaginative asshole, I’m not a phone sex operator, and I’m not just chatting to get you hard. I want good, smutty responses. Whisper filth in velvety tones that deliciously tickle my ears, loser.”

…yet none of this happened. Unlike skin-to-skin sex, phone sex doesn’t lend itself very well to improvement during the ‘act’. After all, if I don’t like the way a boy is touching me, I can shift his body, move my own body, or explicitly tell him to change things up. During phone sex, though, what can you do if you’d like the other person to talk more, besides asking leading questions like, “..and how do you want to touch me right now?” that they may or may not respond to properly? I can find ‘sexy’ ways to tell a boy “up! down! harder!” mid-coitus; but stopping in the middle of a phone sex scene2 to say, “no, no. Say X or Y.” just shatters the fantasy. Basically, it’d be like correcting someone on their grammar during cyber sex3.

..and you’d think that an English grad student would be more linguistically-creative, yes? After all, what the hell are they teaching people these days, anyway?

1. Typing the words out onto an unforgiving white space for anonymous readers makes them look infinitely less sexy and more silly than they sound when privately moaned into the telephone. So, I do understand some of the insecurity around dirty talk & the fear of being judged for saying the ‘wrong’ thing. But I’m still miffed at the lackluster experience; and rightfully so, I think – what he did was little different than falling into a selfish slumber after receiving unreciprocated oral sex. In either case, performance anxiety is no excuse.

2. …and that’s what it is – a scene. Role play. You’re painting a picture for each other with your words; and stepping outside the scene is a mood-killer.

3. Interestingly, my love for hands-free fun doesn’t extend to cybering. I’ve only done it once, for a (male) ex who expressed an interest; and it did nothing for me. On his end, he was furiously jerking off with one hand and typing about it with the other; whereas I was getting up and spreading jam on my toast between posts about the wetness of my cunt. Little did he know.)


~ by fistfulofsunshine on May 29, 2009.

2 Responses to “three cheers for aural sex!”

  1. well, if he’s a uoc grad student, then they certainly don’t teach them sexy talk. although, the grad students around here have quite a reputation…

  2. Oh my god, this is sooo frustrating. I feel like it’s all I ever get when I try dirty talk in any situation, whether it’s phone, chat, or real life. I mean, I’ve definitely been the shy person leading up to something, but usually, for whatever reason, I’m the one who has to keep it going. Yes, dirty talk is embarrassing, but that’s part of the point. Folks need to get over it, especially when someone else is obviously putting a lot of work into their side of it.

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